Many of us have had hardships in the past. May it be events that have happened to us, the way our parents have treated us, intimate relationships that did not work, friends or lovers who have betrayed us, etc… It seems that there is an inquiry about “why” it happened? “why” they did it to me? Regardless of how many times we try to answer these questions we fall short of the answers. There is a secret wish to go back and change the events of the past and be done with it. The realization of this wish and fantasy with the reality of not being able to leaves us with regret and powerlessness which then we take into the future and in turn muddy up the future so that it no longer call us forward.
What can I do?
Realize that the past can not be changed. No one has done, nor will I.
I will stop asking “why” questions that can not be answered
I will go over the event of the past and look at what parts I played in creating in it and or how I participated.
I take responsibility and ownership of my part and distinguish it from the other person’s part
I will stop reading the other people’s intention into the event and just realize the behaviors.
I will see what I had control over and what I did not.
I will identify the meanings and thoughts that I have about the event toward me
I will identify, name, feel, and release the emotions that arise from these thoughts
I will write all the I have learned from the event and how I can use these learning’s for the future.
I will focus on my goals in the future and create action plans for my goals.
I will feel grateful for all that I have and all that is around me